How to relax

my own personal guide because I've forgotten how

Okay, so after spending most of my twenties and more than half of my thirties working hard, trying to be productive, and generally striving, I think I’ve forgotten how to relax. It feels weird to do nothing. In fact, I almost never do nothing. And the things that I do when I try to “relax” don’t always make me feel good. A big part of it is that I feel like I let things happen to me, rather than taking charge of my own time. Maybe it’s one of those “you reap what you sow” type of things: certain activities feel easy to engage in, but the yield I get in return is low in value.

My reflex activities:

• Open social media (I deleted Instagram and TikTok in January but reinstalled them in late March to go back to posting)

• Browse Pinterest (my preferred “slow” social media that has replaced the more stimulating ones)

• Shop on Amazon

• Watch whatever is suggested to me on YouTube/Shorts/Reels

Even with the best intentions, there is this temptation to use your free time to “get ahead” on your to-do list, hoping that your future self will appreciate it. Meal prep? Packing for tomorrow? Starting the laundry? Getting a head start on homework? Inevitably, whatever time saved ends up going towards the next “chore in advance” and doesn’t feel like it actually yields relaxing time.

There’s also something about being a parent where you desperately wish to have some time for yourself, but when you really weigh the activities, the time apart from your kid doesn’t feel as meaningful. You end up perpetually oscillating between wanting freedom and guilt. I think that’s probably the worst way to spend your personal time. I do this all the time, and it truly feels terrible.

An ice cream/cookie date with Benji— core memories <3

This post is maybe more for me than anyone else reading it, but I wanted to put together a list of activities that actually feel good but might not be on the top of my head. That way, the next time I have an unexpected free afternoon or a little snippet of time, I can pick something from this list, rather than resorting to the mentally “cheap” activities listed above. I’m not saying we should overthink it. There are just so many things actively working to get our attention that are not as restorative and often have an agenda (usually to get us to buy whatever they’re selling). I think it’s worth advocating on our behalf to have some neutral activities ready.

Thirteen mindful choices I can make that take a little bit of thought and planning, but are more restorative and enjoyable: